“It was a series of micro griefs” she replied.
I was curious what had driven my colleague into their wilderness time.
“That and a friend’s faith being different than I thought. Their perspective sent my faith off the rails. I didn’t know what to believe any more. What was okay. What was right.”
They didn’t elaborate on the griefs or the faith shift but I can fill in the gaps with my own.
A friendship that went sideways. One that simply stopped. Another unsustainable. The one that flamed and crashed. The loss of a job prospect, a church, a community. Loss of consistency, friend circles and continuitiy.
The loss of the stability of the faith of youth, young adult hood, or even the solidity of last week’s faith verses this week’s questions and doubt.
Micro griefs
All piling up together
Undermining stability
Hope
Peace
The loss of the every day
Tears are not permitted
Needed
Unsupported
That we should
MUST
Be tougher
Stronger
Hold it together
It’s not a life
After all
Only an idea
An ideal
A dream
This
That
The other
Invisible yet visible
Tangible intangibles
Swept into a corner
Under the rubble
Heart pieces
Jagged edges cutting each other
All the relationships
Jumbled and tangled
Soaked in loss
Micro
Macro