“It was a series of micro griefs” she replied.
I was curious what had driven my colleague into their wilderness time.
“That and a friend’s faith being different than I thought. Their perspective sent my faith off the rails. I didn’t know what to believe any more. What was okay. What was right.”
They didn’t elaborate on the griefs or the faith shift but I can fill in the gaps with my own.
A friendship that went sideways. One that simply stopped. Another unsustainable. The one that flamed and crashed. The loss of a job prospect, a church, a community. Loss of consistency, friend circles and continuitiy.
The loss of the stability of the faith of youth, young adult hood, or even the solidity of last week’s faith verses this week’s questions and doubt.
All piling up together
The loss of the every day
Tears are not permitted
That we should
Hold it together
It’s not a life
Only an idea
Invisible yet visible
Swept into a corner
Under the rubble
Jagged edges cutting each other
All the relationships
Jumbled and tangled
Soaked in loss